Putting Myself First Felt Wrong… Until It Didn’t
So many of us grow up believing that putting yourself first is selfish. We hear it. We internalize it. And somewhere along the way, it becomes our default setting. I’ve lived most of my life with this mindset, constantly stopping what I’m doing to show up for everyone else, even when it means leaving myself behind.
Just recently, I sat down to brainstorm ideas for this very blog post. I finally carved out a moment for myself. I took a deep breath, opened my notebook… and then the phone rang.
It was my daughter needing help. And without hesitation, I stopped everything, again.
Mom mode. Friend mode. Helper mode. Support system mode. I know them all well.
But me mode? That’s the one I’m still learning.
Why Putting Yourself First Is Not Selfish
There’s a difference between being selfless and being self-neglectful.
For years, I blurred those lines without even realizing it.
Being available for people you love is beautiful, it’s one of your strengths.
But when showing up for others means consistently abandoning yourself, your time, your rest, your dreams, or your health… it becomes a silent burden you carry alone.
Putting yourself first simply means honoring your needs with the same respect you give everyone else.
It means you matter, too.
And learning this has been a journey, one I’m still in the middle of.
My Personal Struggle with Putting Myself First
I tend to stop everything when someone calls, texts, or needs help, even if I’m in the middle of something important. It feels natural to drop my priorities because I want to be a good mom, a good friend, a good listener, a good everything.
But the truth is this:
I’ve been teaching people that my time is always available, even when I’m not.
And now, I’m unlearning that.
Not because I love them any less…
But because I’m realizing I deserve my own love, too.
Putting myself first feels uncomfortable.
It feels unfamiliar.
It even feels “wrong” sometimes.
But it’s necessary.
And it’s time.
Practical Ways I’m Learning to Put Myself First
Here are some gentle steps I’m taking, and maybe they’ll help you, too:
1. Scheduling “Me Time” like an appointment
If it’s on my calendar, it matters.
If it matters, I protect it.
2. Not answering every call immediately
Sometimes “I’ll call back in 30 minutes” is enough.
3. Practicing the power of pause
Before dropping everything, I ask myself:
“Does this need me right now?”
Often, the answer is no.
4. Setting emotional boundaries
I can care deeply without carrying everything.
5. Remembering that rest is productive
A rested version of me is a better version of me.
The Soft Reminder I’m Leaving With You (and Me)
Putting yourself first isn’t selfish, it’s survival. It’s healing. It’s honoring the version of you who always shows up for others.
If you’re struggling like I am, you’re not alone.
This is a learning process, and every step counts.
Tell me in the comments:
👉 What’s one thing you’re going to do this week to put yourself first?